


Avengers Groupchat

by floating_roomba



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Crack, Domestic Avengers, Fluff, Group chat, Kidnapped Peter Parker, Memes, Natasha is Peter's Mom, No Angst, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Texting, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Vines, avengers groupchat, bruce banner goes green, everybody is peter's mom, iron can, maybe a little angst if i find the courage, peter makes a groupchat, so much crack, thor is not tech-savvy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28090950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floating_roomba/pseuds/floating_roomba
Summary: *leans in* okay here's the plancaptain america civil war happened, but everything is forgiven and infinity war and endgame can go die in a holegroupchat with the avengers that peter madecrack ensues
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Shuri, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 43
Kudos: 164





	1. The Groupchat

[Spiderling has created a chat with Big Green Bean, Iron Can, Auntie Nat, Archer Guy, Buckaroo, Star Spangled Grandpa, God of Hammers, and Bird]

[Spiderling] hi guys

[God of Hammers] HUZZAH! THE SHINY RECTANGLE MAN OF IRON HAS GIVEN ME IS BUZZING

[Star Spangled Grandpa] whatisthisandalsohowdoidoaspace

[Iron Can] kid what’s going on and also those are some sick nicknames

[Bird] why am i bird

[Auntie Nat] because you always have wanted to be a bird duh sam

[Archer Guy] who’s this

[Buckaroo] who are you

[Spiderling] it’s peter i thought u needed a group chat 

[Big Green Bean] why is my name like this

Big Green Bean changed their name to brucey

[God of Hammers] THIS CHAT OF GROUPS SOUNDS INTERESTING

[Star Spangled Grandpa] Istillcantfindthespacebar

[Iron Can] ha. peter thanks.

[Spiderling] no prob dad

[Spiderling] i mean mr. stark

Spiderling has left the chat

[Buckaroo] wait

[Iron Can] no bucky

[Buckaroo] he is your son i knew it

[Iron Can] NO bucky

Iron Can changed their name to tony

[Star Spangled Grandpa] thanks for showing me the space bar rice

[Star Spangled Grandpa] bus*

[Star Spangled Grandpa] argh who's doing that

[Auntie Nat] it's autocorrect idiot

[Star Spangled Grandpa] oh. b r u c e

[Archer Guy] so, how is everyone

[tony] i gtg work 

[Auntie Nat] bye suckers

[Star Spangled Grandpa] what does that button on the screen do?

tony, Auntie Nat, and Star Spangled Grandpa logged off the chat

[brucey] wait what are you doing tony

[Buckaroo] where did steve go?

[Bird] bruce i need help changing my name

brucey, buckaroo, and bird logged off the chat

[Archer Guy] …

[Archer Guy] Okay then

Archer Guy logged off the chat

[God of Hammers] I HAVE RETURNED

[God of Hammers] AND I HAVE REFRESHMENTS, GROUP OF CHATTING

[God of Hammers] ...GROUP OF CHATTING?

[God of Hammers] OH.

[God of Hammers] THOR IS ALONE

[God of Hammers] THOR WILL BE ALONE NOW

God of Hammers logged off the chat


	2. Peter2Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> poor peter

[Spiderchild]hiiiiii

[Iron dad] what is it kiddo

[Spiderchild]soooooo

[Iron dad] kid i know what you're going to ask

[Spiderling] when can i be an avenger?

[Iron dad] no

[Spiderling] that's not an answerrrr

[Iron dad] not yet

[Spiderling] ugh

Iron dad changed their name to butt

[butt] did you just hack me

[Spiderling] yes butt >:(

Spiderling logged off the chat

[butt] wait

[butt] let me change my name back

[butt] since when did you know how to do this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehonk
> 
> maybe leave some kudos and a comment?
> 
> now yeet yourself over to the next chapter


	3. Important Dad Decsions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony now has responsibility
> 
> he doesn't know what to do with it

[butt] wake up losers

[Auntie Nat] who is that

[butt] it's tony peter hacked me

[Auntie Nat] you are a butt most of the time

[Archer Guy] why would he hack you he's the sweetest

[butt] i told the kid he couldn't be an avenger

[Star Spangled Grandpa] you made the right decision tony. He's too young and too small

[Buckaroo] lmao look who's talking

[Star Spangled Grandpa] i got bigger ok

[Star Spangled Grandpa] peter's a small guy

[Star Spangled Grandpa] also how do I change my name

[brucey] you go to settings and double tap your name

[Star Spangled Grandpa] ok thank you

Star Spangled Grandpa changed their name to steve

Auntie Nat changed their name to Nat 

Archer Guy changed their name to Clint

Bird changed their name to sam

[God of Hammers] I DO NOT KNOW. PETER HAS THE HEART OF A MIGHTY WARRIOR.

[butt] but i can't afford to have him die

[Buckaroo] because he's your son

[butt] no

[Buckaroo] yes

[butt] no and also why are you still buckaroo

[Buckaroo] i like it 

[sam] i'm not bird anymore

[butt] how come everyone can change their names except me

[brucey] peter probably added a master passcode

[butt] dammit that kid is smart

[Nat] ooh steve he said a bad language word

[steve] what

[steve] oh be quiet

steve left the chat

[God of Hammers] I MUST GO DUTY AS AN ASGARDIAN WARRIOR CALLS

Nat, God of Hammers, Clint, and Buckaroo logged off the chat

[brucey] tony i'll help you figure out the passcode

[butt] please

butt and brucey left the chat

[sam] guys?

[sam] at least i'm not a bird anymore

sam left the chat

[Spiderling] what have you guys been talking about

[Spiderling] oh come on i am not small

Spiderling logged off the chat

[ERROR] Ha. If these people are our enemies, their defeat will be swift, and easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh the suspense
> 
> i'm so bad at cliffhangers but hopefully that was good enough that you will check out the next chapter
> 
> comment who you think it is oooooohhh


	4. Bruce2Peter

[brucey] hi 

[Spiderling] what do you want

[brucey] tony means well

[Spiderling] but i want to be an avenger

[brucey] we need the passcode

[Spiderling] no

[brucey] i didn't want to do this but

Spiderling changed their name to buttson

[buttson] wait no

[brucey] there's a deeper meaning to that name

[buttson] no u used a passcode too

[brucey] yes

[buttson] change me back

[brucey] only if you tell me the passcode

[buttson] no

[brucey] then talk to thor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiririririiririririri a wee um bum buhwayyy
> 
> now that i have sung to you you must leave kudos and a comment
> 
> ride into the sunset on your horse like in a weird princess movie except the sunset is the next chapter and you're single


	5. Peter2Thor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uncle thor anyone?
> 
> #shortestchapterever

[buttson] hi mr. thor

[God of Hammers] HELLO SON OF BUTT

[buttson] ohhhh

[buttson] darn mr. banner and his smart brain

[God of Hammers] WHAT WAS IT YOU NEEDED ASSISTANCE WITH MORTAL

[buttson] i got it now thx tho

[God of Hammers] OH YOU ARE WELCOME SON OF BUTT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you didn't understand that reference, it's basically about how thor calls coulson son of coul, so he would call peter son of butt, or son of tony, who is currently butt 
> 
> :P
> 
> cha chas over to next chapter


	6. Nat2Clint

[Nat] did you see that message at the end of the chat

[Clint] yeah i had invisibility turned on

[Nat] should we be concerned

[Clint] a little 

[Nat] it might just be wanda or scott playing a prank

[Nat] probably that dude scott

[Clint] but what if it's like hydra or something

[Nat] if something comes up you can tell them

[Clint] ok

[Nat] so, how's the traitor

[Clint] what

[Nat] the baby

[Clint] good 

[Clint] he's not a traitor

[Nat] sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aou references!!!!
> 
> commentandleavekudos
> 
> eoioioioioi


	7. Bruce2Tony

[brucey] mission unsuccessful

[butt] dammit 

[brucey] but i changed his name to buttson

[butt] oh god

[brucey] the passcode for him is brucebanneristhebestgreenscientistever

[butt] why

[brucey] because it's true

[butt] i don't know many green scientists that's true

[brucey] go away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahahahahahahahahahahah
> 
> poor peter 
> 
> poor tony
> 
> ergio3ygoigyio3gyio34gy34i


	8. Peter Needs Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fancy

[buttson] guys?

[Nat] why are there so many butts on here

[buttson] it's peter mr. banner hacked me

[Buckaroo] ha

[Clint] what is it peter

[buttson] my spidey senses are tingling but i don't know what it is

[steve] look around. do you see anything?

[buttson] no just people filling up their cars

[butt] i just got here what's up kiddo

[buttson] something feels wrong

[butt] buddy where are you 

[buttson] outside that seven eleven near the tower

[butt] do you have your suit

[buttson] no i forgot it at school

[God of Hammers] LOOK THE BUTTSONS ARE CONVERSING

[butt] not the time thor

[buttson] wait there's someone near me

[butt] i'll get friday to see the security cameras 

[buttson] OH GOD THEY SHOT ME WITH A DART

[Nat] WHAT

[Clint] WHAT

[butt] KID ARE YOU OKAY THE CAMERAS ARE BLOCKED

[buttson] blacking ou

[brucey] what's going on 

[Clint] Peter's being abducted

[Nat] should we tell them

[Clint] probably

[butt] TELL US WHAT

[Nat] in chat the other day there was an unknown number

[butt] AND YOU DECIDE TO TELL ME THIS NOW?

[Nat]...yes?

[ERROR] Would you, perchance, be talking about us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop- 
> 
> poor peter
> 
> listen to your spidey sense kids
> 
> kjfrfji3ojojfioejf


	9. Peter Still Needs Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oof

[butt] WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH PETE

[butt] i mean 

[butt] wait who are you though

[ERROR] We have your Peter. Your intern. Spiderling?

[Buckaroo] are you hydra 

[ERROR] No. But we are an enemy to be feared.

[Nat] peter isn't a spiderling he's just an intern

[Clint] ya he just really wants to be a spider

[ERROR] Okay. 

[butt] it doesn't change the fact that whoever this is has him

[butt] what do you want for him

[ERROR] Nothing. I just want to watch you struggle.

ERROR has left the chat

[butt] well shit

[steve] LANGUAGE

[Nat] not the time rogers

[Clint] what are we going to do

[butt] i'll track the signal and narrow it down to a location

[sam] uhh am i the only one who thinks we'll be better off without that 12 year old

[God of Hammers] YES 

[Clint] and he's 15 sam

sam has left the chat

[Nat] RUDE

scottish language has joined the chat

[scottish language] hi 

[scottish language] who's peter

[butt] he's spider boy

[scottish language] oh 

[butt] i've narrowed the location down to a city

[butt] while we're here anyone have anything they wanna tell me

[Buckaroo] we need to find peter?

[butt] i already knew that dumbass

[scottish language] guys

[butt] not now fleaman

[butt] i was talking to natasha or clinton

[Clint] do you really think my name is clinton

[butt] seems right

[steve] I think what Tony is trying to say is that we should share information.

[God of Hammers] I THINK LANGUAGE OF SCOTTS HAS SOMETHING TO SAY

[scottish language] thank you

[scottish language] speaking of sharing information i think i found parker

[butt] wHAT HOW

[scottish language] i added the number as a contact and then i created a new snapchat account and made my name boss and then i added them as a recommended because they are in my contacts and then they accepted because i am boss and now i can track them and they are in some weird factory on reddish road

[butt] now that is the kind of information i want

[God of Hammers] I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS THIS CHAT OF SNAPS

[steve] I don't know. Maybe it's some form of Morse code where you snap instead of-

[Nat] everybody shut up

[brucey] yeah what she said

[Nat] aww thx

[brucey] yw

[Nat] <3

[brucey] <3

[butt] okay everybody ACTUALLY shut up

[Buckaroo] yes we must rescue tony's son

[butt] stop it bucky

[butt] AVENGERS ASSEMBLE

[steve] Everybody suit up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky stop bullying tony
> 
> anyways
> 
> i have left you on a cliffhanger 
> 
> now you must leave kudos and fly over to the next chapter


	10. Peter Is Doing Get Help

[Nat] okay only use voice to text if necessary

[butt] i'm circling the building in the air

[God of Hammers] MJOLNIR WILL BREAK THE BRICK WALL AT YOUR COMMAND ALLIES

brucey changed his name to hulk

[hulk] hulk smash

[steve] alright 3

[steve] 2

[steve] 1

**From here the chapter will continue but… if you see words between these things ** that means it's an action *types furiously***

[Nat] there's a lot of people right here *shoots seven people at the same time*

[Buckaroo] for an unknown organization, they have a lot of followers 

[steve] wait guys *slams person in the head with shield* 

[Clint] what *shoots eight people and explodes four more*

[steve] don't fight how you normally would 

[scottish language] why *shrinks*

[steve] they might be analyzing your fight strategy

[Nat] okay *gives gun to Clint*

[Clint] *gives bow and arrow to Nat*

[butt] i'm going in for the kid *breaks the roof and several walls on the way in*

[God of Hammers] DIE MORTALS *slams hammer into ground*

[Buckaroo] wait you see the symbol on their armor *punches person in the face*

[scottish language] yeah?

[Buckaroo] it's a baby octopus

[ERROR] awwww figuring things out

[Buckaroo] so you're like a mini hydra *pushes person into another one*

[ERROR] we are hydra, but alive

[hulk] i squish tiny hoomans

[steve] what do you call yourselves?

[ERROR] branch 7

[Nat] of what *stabs person with arrow*

[ERROR] serpent

[buttson] HAHA YOU IDIOT

[ERROR] wait what

[buttson] i just broke the stupid door down and got my phone back 

[ERROR] that was a SOLID WOOD DOOR hOW

[buttson] i used the bed and the sheet and strung it up on the ceiling and pulled it back and it broke the whole wall :D

[butt] great job kiddo

[buttson] thank you mr stark

[Nat] couldn't you have done that a bit earlier?

[Clint] ya like before we got ourselves engaged in a whole battle

[buttson] you did what

[steve] it's okay guys we learned of this organization's existence and also that peter is tony's son

[buttson] you got engaged in a whole battle for me?

[scottish language] anything for my bug bro

[God of Hammers] YES PETER WE WILL REJOICE AT THE HOME PLACE

[buttson] uwu

[ERROR] we will not be defeated that easy! 

[butt] uh huh, the bomb I placed on your little building says differently. let's bounce!

[ERROR] what

**(-^-) this is gerald, he does time skips *three hours later at avengers tower***

[buttson] thanks guys

[Nat] for what 

[buttson] helping me

[buttson] the password for mr stark is hiwelcometochilis

[brucey] ummm okay the password for you is brucebanneristhebestgreenscientistever

butt changed their name to tony

buttson changed their name to spidey

[God of Hammers] NOW LET US DRINK

[tony] thor you didnt give peter a beer right

[God of Hammers] UMMM WHY SHOULD HE NOT HAVE ONE

[steve] he's 15 thor

[God of Hammers] OH

[spidey] why did mr thor just give me two jugs of beer

[tony] wHAT

[God of Hammers] WELL DUTY CALLS

God of Hammers logged off the chat

[Clint] yeah me and Nat got a mission

Clint and Nat logged off the chat

[steve] i'm going to go find out what a vine is

[scottish language] you don't know what a vine- you know what i'm helping you

steve, scott and brucey logged off the chat

[tony] so kid, we good now?

[spidey] yep bye dad

[spidey] …

[spidey] sorry mr stark

[tony] it's ok peter you can call me dad

spidey and tony logged off the chat  
  
  


[Buckaroo] HA I KNEW IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eheheheh that exchange between thor and peter and tony? based on that one post
> 
> ahhh sorry i took so long to update


	11. The Fourth Wall is Crumbling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> deadpool hacked into my phone again🙄

[Author] heyyyy! just fyi that i'm writing a story on ao3 about the avengers texts and i think you might like it!

[spidey] what's going on who are you

[Buckaroo] yeah and why are you writing a story about us

[God of Hammers] WHO ARE YOU MORTAL

[Author] ah shoot wrong number

[Author] wait what

[Author] ARE YoU THe AvenGErs

[steve] yes

[Author] how is this happening y'all aren't real

[spidey] what

[spidey] mr. stark help

[tony] hi please leave you're frightening my kid

[Author] but wait do you guys know rdj and tom h and the chris's

[Nat] who?

[Clint] what's going on?

[Author] do you actually look like them or are you like someone else entirely?

[brucey] uhhh

[Author] omg it's bruce banner!

[Author] also peter parker you're awesome

[spidey] how do you know i'm peter parker

[Author] ahhhh you all are so cool

[Author] maybe i should stop

[Author] what if i'm messing up the entire timeline

[Author] ahhhh just aim for the head thor AIM FOR THE hEad

Author has left the chat 

[tony] umm ok goodbye

[spidey] how did she know who i was who was that

[God of Hammers] WHAT IS THE HEAD I AM AIMING FOR

[Buckaroo] we're real right?

[steve] yes i'm sure of it

[Nat] that was weird

[Clint] really weird

[brucey] HULK SMASH

[Nat] ah shoot he hulked out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i warned thor guys we're good now


	12. Wakanda Nonsense is this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did someone say beginning of peter + shuri friendship?
> 
> no? no one?
> 
> welp here it is
> 
> YES YOU MUST ACTUALLY COPY AND PASTE THE YOUTUBE LINKS INTO THE BROWSER BECAUSE I SAID SO

[Steve] i'd like you guys to meet someone

Steve has added t'challa and Shuri to the chat

[tony] hi fellas

[Shuri] hello colonizers

[spidey] woahhhhh are you wakandan royalty? 

[t'challa] steve, is this the best idea?

[steve] i think it's time you got to know the team if you're taking up my offer of joining it.

[t'challa] i see. and why is my sister here?

[steve] oh i'm pretty sure she hacked into my phone. i didn't add her 

[Shuri] and i am offended you didn't think to! who is everybody?

[Buckaroo] well you know who i am

[Nat] hi princess

[Clint] i'm Clint

[God of Hammers] TIS I, THOR

[wanda] hi

[Vision] At your service, your highness.

[brucey] hi, ma'am

[tony] pretty sure you know who i am but i'm tony stark

[Shuri] brother is there nobody here close to my age

[t'challa] not that i am aware of

[spidey] i am

[spidey] i think

[Shuri] ah yes peter parker

[spidey] uh- 

[spidey] i'm spider-man

[spidey] not whoever you just said

[Shuri] stark maybe you should find a more secure place for your files on everybody

[tony] it was in my stark secure server! maybe you shouldn't hack into my database!

[Shuri] anyways here is my link to the video on the effectiveness of vibranium to show you

[Shuri]  https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

[steve] shuri i believe that's the wrong link 

[tony] wtf

[tony] did i just get rick rolled by the princess of wakanda

[brucey] fkjhfkjhrufihrweuifhweruifhreiuhfeirwu

[Clint] he hulked out

[Nat] should we do something

[Buckaroo] it's okay i locked him in the gym

[wanda] YOU IDIOTS I'M IN THE ROOM NEXT TO THE GYM

[wanda] HE'S TRYING TO KNOCK THE WALL DOWN

[Vision] Lady Natasha, would you be so kind as to do your thing?

[Nat] fine

[spidey] hey guys i found the right link

[spidey]  https://youtu.be/PLb720ZPcQI

[tony] you know good and well that is not the right link

[spidey] hisssss

[Shuri] i have a feeling we're going to get along, mr parker

[sam] what happened while i was gone

[sam] oh no the kid's back

[Shuri]  https://youtu.be/jPCJIB1f7jk

[Shuri] explain yourself peter

[sam] christ there's two of them

[spidey] uhhhhh

[tony] kid what did my innocent eyes just witness

[Buckaroo] what was that

[steve] i need a therapist

[brucey] i'm back

[brucey] what on earth

[wanda] ahhhAHAHHAH 

[wanda] THE VIDEO PETER

[wanda] WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO DO THAT

spidey has left the chat

wand has added spidey to the chat

[wanda] NOOOOO

[Vision] EFYUTEWIUEFTERUWIFTWERUYIFTWEYRUFTERUYWF

[Shuri] :]

[Shuri] if you ever need blackmail, i'm ya gal

[t'challa] this did not go how i intended it to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo i'm working on like seven different fic ideas all at once, which consist of a marvel/ percy jackson crossover, a parkner twitter fic, and a documentary of the avengers daily lives made by the one and only peter parker
> 
> i also finally found the time to watch agents of shield so


	13. Vine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ah yes the mid-battle texting
> 
> peter and shuri= bestiesssss

[Shuri] hi welcome to chili's

[spidey] oh, hi thanks for checking in, i'm sTiLL a PiEcE Of gArbAgE

[tony] what's going on 

[t'challa] ignore them

[God of Hammers] OH HAST THE YOUNG ARACHNID AND THE PRINCESS NOT TAUGHT YOU ABOUT PLANTS

[Buckaroo] i- what?

[spidey] vines not plants

[steve] i think i know what a vine is

[Shuri] honey, you've got a big storm coming

[t'challa] stop right now we are in the middle of a battle

[spidey] i can't sweem

[Shuri] tweekle tweekle

[t'challa] no

t'challa has logged off the chat

[Shuri] kitty come back here where is you going

[spidey] that was legitness

[carol] i'm lesbian

[spidey] i thought you were american

[spidey] wait who are you

[carol] no one

carol has logged off the chat

[tony] guys now is not the time i just got crushed by a bus

[spidey] oh she need some milk

[Nat] okay how are you texting us rn were in a fight

[spidey] oh i got eaten and im waiting to be slowly digested

[tony] wHAT

[spidey] awww you didnt have to explode that monster for me

[spidey] MOTHERTRUCKER THAT HuRT 

[Shuri] like a buttcheek on a stick

[Clint] peter just got stabbed and shuri's talking about butts?

[Clint] groovy

[scottish language] i am shooketh

[Shuri] finally someone who speaks english

[steve] you too scott?

[scottish language] merry chrysler

[tony] we have to get peter to the hq

[spidey] HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE

[Shuri] that's his opinionnnnnn!

[tony] alright you know what that's enough i'm taking your phone

[spidey] just try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed :D
> 
> tell me what you thought about this chapter, and if you have any ideas for another one!

**Author's Note:**

> next chapter coming soon!


End file.
